"Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst
episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering
my disgust throughout the world." (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie
Show #4F12)
 "Okay, folks, show's
over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my God! A horrible plane crash!
Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around,
crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!" (Bart the Fink #3F12)
 "Dad, you tell everybody
everything! You even told Moe when I threw up on the dentist!" (Bart
on the Road #3F17)
 (With his dog on Ned
Flanders' lawn) "Come on boy. This is the spot, right here. That's
a good boy. Do your sinful, dirty business." (22 Short Films about
Springfield #3F18)
 On old people: "Second
class? What about Social Security, bus discounts, Medic-Alert jewelry, Gold
Bond powder, pants all the way up to your armpits, and all those other senior
perks? Oh, if you ask me, you old folks have it pretty sweet." (Raging
Abe Simpson #3F19)
 "I'd rather eat
poison. My name's already Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. God knows
it's long enough without Nahassapeetapeta- whatever. From now on I'm only
marrying for love. And possibly once more for money." (Much Apu About
Nothing #3F20)
 On remembering the
difference between apple juice and cider: "If it's clear and yella,
you've got juice there fella! If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town!"
(Burns, Baby Burns #4F05)
 Upon announcing that
someone stole the 'H' emblem from the superintendent's Honda: "Oh,
you think this stolen 'H' is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you
something that's not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home
crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny." (Lisa's
Date with Density #4F01)
Drunk and naked inside
of a cotton candy machine at a chili cookoff: "Look at me! I'm a pink,
fluffy cloud!" (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer #3F24)
 "That's where I
saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things." (Bart's Playmate #5F13)
 Looking at the Little Lisa
recycling plant logo: "Awww, ain't that cute? Makes Little Debbie look
like a pile of puke!" (The Old Man and The Lisa # 4F17)
(On baby-sitting.) "Why
hasn't anyone called?" 
"Maybe people don't want an eight-year-old babysitter, honey. Parents
need to be sure their sitter can handle anything that might happen...that's
why they hire teenagers."
 to
after seeing 'for sale' sign in Simpsons' front lawn: "Hello. I am
not interested in buying your house... but I would like to use your restroom,
flip through your magazines, re-arrange your carefully shelved items, and
handle your food in an unsanitary manner. Hah! Now you know how it feels!"
(Homer replies: "Thank you! Come again!")
"Maybe for once,
someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'."
(Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield #3F11)
Trying to solve a puzzle:
"Maybe I can't concentrate because of all of your cooties!" 
(Scratching his head) "It's called "lice", and it's nothing
to be ashamed of. " |
