"Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house
and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what
would you say?"
 "Uh... if YOU
did it, sir...?" (Dog of Death #8F17)
 "Hey, Dad, can
I have a sip of your beer?" 
Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with
fake IDs. (The Springfield Files)
 (At Homer's BBQ) "Waaait,
Dad! Good news everyone! You don't have to eat meat. I made enough qazpacho
for all! It's tomato soup served ice cold!" (Lisa the vegetarian
#3F03)
 "Milhouse,
Baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer,
and drug dealer-uhhhh, keeper awayer." (Radioactive Man #2F17)
 "If you like good
food, good fun, and a whole lotta crazy crap on the walls, then come on
down to 'Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag'. Now, that's 'Moe' like it. So, bring
the whole family- mom, dad, kids... uh, no old people. They're not covered
by our insurance. It's fun! And remember our guarantee: If I'm not smiling
when the check comes, your meal's on me, Uncle Moe." (Bart Sells
his Soul #3F02)
 to ,
, and 
: "Heydilly-ho! Welcome to your new home, neglect-areenoes!"
(Home Sweet Homedilly-Dum-Doodily #3F01)
 "Okay, don't panic.
To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders."
Homer's brain: "I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid
sweater everyday and-" (Home Sweet Homedilly-DumDoodily #3F01)
 "The happiest
day in my life was when the doctor told me that I didn't have worms anymore.
" (Lisa the Greek #8F12)
"I have a home remedy that'll put the zowzers back in your trousers."
(Grampa VS. Sexual Inadequacy #2F07)
"So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking
along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Homer.... something something."
(The Shinning #2F03)
 "Boy, you read
my thoughts! You've got the 'Shinning'!"
"Don't you mean 'Shining'?"
"Shhh! You wanna get sued? Now look, boy. If your Da goes ga-ga,
you just use that 'shinning' of yours to call me and I'll come a-runnin'.
But don't be readin' my mind between four and five. That's Willie's time!"
(The Shinning #2F03)
 "Are you saying
that you killed Jimbo, processed his carcass, and served him for lunch?
(Skinner nods)
Hah!" (Nightmare Cafeteria #2F03)
"Marge, we had
a deal. Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your
lipstick." (Homer VS. Patty and Selma #2F14)
 "The circumference
of the well is thirty-four inches. So, unfortunately, not one member of
our city's police force is slender enough to rescue the boy." (Radio
Bart #8F11)
 "Damn Flanders."
(After hanging up the phone after a talk with Ned about Todd's swearing)
(Bart the Lover #8F16)
 "We're a package.
Love me, love MacGyver." (Black Widower #8F20)
 "No offense,
Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking
a whizz." (Homer the Heretic #9F01)
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