Homer's version of the Flintstones Song
(Sung to the tune of "The Flintstone's" theme)
"Simpson! Homer Simpson!
He's the greatest guy in history.
From the... town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree."
(And he does)

Bart's Marching Song
I got a B in arithmetic,
Woulda got an A but I was sick.
In English class I did the best,
Because I cheated on the test.
We are happy we are merry,
We got a rhyming dictionary.
Sound off
1, 2
Sound off
3, 4
Sound off
1, 2
1,2, 3 4!

Cletus The Slack Jawed Yokel
Some folks'll never eat a skunk, and then again some folk'll,
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.
Some folks'll never lose a toe, but then again some folk'll.
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.

Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
(Sung by: Apu)
Whether igloo, hut, or lean-to
or a geodesic dome.
There's no structure I have been to
which I'd rather call my home...

When I first arrived you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to loooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright.
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright.
Lisa can philosophize,
Bart's adept at spinning lies.
Homer's a delightful fella,
Sorry 'bout the salmonella.

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart...
(Marge) The floors are sticky-mart!
(Lisa) They make Dad sicky-mart!
(Bart) Let's hurl a bricky-mart!
(Homer) That Kwik-E-Mart is really... DOH!!

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
I dooooooo.

Baby On Board
(By The B-Sharps)
Baby on board,
How I've adored,
That sign on my car's windowpane.
Bounce in my step,
Loaded with pep,
'Cause I'm drivin' in the carpool lane.
Call me a square,
Friend, I don't care.
That little yellow sign can't be ignored.
I'm tellin' you it's mighty nice.
Each trip's like a trip to paradise
With my baby on board.

Poochie's Rap
The name's Poochie D.
And I rock the telly.
I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzerelli.
I'm the Kung-Fu hippie,
From Gangsta city.
I'm a rappin' surfer.
You the fool I pity.

Lisa's Blues Song
I got a bratty brother.
He bugs me everyday.
And this morning my own mother,
She gave my last cupcake away.
My dad acts
Like he belongs in a zoo.
I'm the saddest kid
In grade number two.

Play-It-Cool
(Sung by Grandpa and Homer)
Homer: Now what you gotta do if you wannaget a kiss
Is act real smooth and make your move like this.
(He does the yawn and stretch routine, putting his arm over Grandpa's shoulder.)
Grandpa: Oh, I see. So if I take your advice,
And make your patented move,
Then my chances for love,
Will slightly improve?
(Grandpa practices the move on Homer)
Homer: Hee hee, now, what's the rule?
Grandpa: Play it cool!

The "Cops: In Springfield!" Theme Song
Bad cops, bad cops.
Springfield cops are on the take.
What do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or a horse,
We don't mind using excessive force.
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops.
"Can I Borrow a Feeling?"
(Sung by Kirk Van Houghten)

Can I borrow a feeling?
Could you lend me a jar of love?
Hurting hearts need some healing.
Take my hand with your glove of love.

"Flaming Moe's"
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife.
But don't throw in the towel
'Cause there's a place right down the block
Where you can drink your misery away.

At Flaming Moe's.
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's.
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's.
When liquor in a mug
Can warm you like a hug.
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.

"It was a very Good Beer"
(to the tune of "It was a Very Good Year")

When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer,
I purchased with a fake I.D.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17.

"We're Sending Our Love Down the Well"
Sting: There's a hole in my heart, as deep as a well,
For that poor little boy who's stuck halfway to hell
Sideshow Mel: ...Though we can't get him out,
we'll have to do the next best thing...
McBain: ... we'll go on TV and sing, sing, sing...
Choir: And we're sending our love down the well!
Krusty: All the way down!
Choir: We're sending our love down the well!
Krusty: Down that well!

Itchy and Scratchy theme song
They fight, they bite.
They fight and bite and fight.
Bite, bite, bite.
Fight, fight, fight.
The Itchy and Scratchy show!

New Itchy and Scratchy theme

They love, they share.
They share and love and share.
Love, love, love.
Share, share, share.
The Itchy and Scratchy show!

Lisa's Birthday Song
(Sung by Michael Jackson and Bart)

Lisa, it's your birthday.
God bless you this day.
You gave me the gift of a little sister and I'm proud of you today.

(Chorus)
Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa.

I wish you love and goodwill.
I wish you peace and joy.
I wish you everything your heart desires
And your first kiss from a boy.

(repeat chorus)

"Love-Matic Grandpa" Theme
While shopping for some cans,
An old man passed away.
He floated up toward Heaven,
But got lost along the way.
Now he's the Love-matic Grandpa!
The wise, socratic Grandpa!
And he'll fill our hearts with loooove!

Lurleen Lumpkin's Song
You work all day for some old man,
You sweat and break your back.
The you come home to your castle,
And your queen won't cut you slack.
That's why you're losin' all your hair,
That's why you're overweight.
That's why you flipped your pick up truck
Right off the interstate.
Now, you talk so tough and act so rough.
But darlin' you can't hide
the heartache and the sadness
That's buried deep inside.
There's alot of bull they hand you.
There's nothing you can do.
Your wife don't understand you,
But I do.
No, your wife don't understand you,
But I do.
I said your wife don't understand you but I do.

The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on Earth like a
genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail!
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lanley: What's it called?
Patty and Selma: Monorail!
Lanley: That's right- Monorail!
(Crowd softly chants "monorail")
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: is there a chance the track could bend?
Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain- dead slobs?
Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man!
I swear it's Springfield's only choice!
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Everyone: Monorail!
Lanley: What's it called?
Everyone: Monorail!
Lanley: Once again!
Everyone: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, but the mob has spoken!
Everyone: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!
Homer: Mono- DOH!!

Krusty's sign off song
We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
But now the time has come to go.
If this old clown was found dead in his bed tomorrow,
I'd be in heaven still doing this show.

"The Adventures of Ned Flanders" Theme Song
Hens love roosters
Geese love ganders,
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders.
Homer: Not me.
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders.

Homer's Fire Safety Song
"When a fire starts to burn,
There's something you must learn.
Something something then you'll see,
You'll avoid catastrophe. DOH!!"

Krusty's Mt. Splashmore Song
I want to go to Mt. Splashmore,
Take me, take me, take me, take me now!
Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
Mt. Splashmore. take me there right now.

Oh Mindy
Oh Mindy,
You came and you gave without flaking,
But I sent you Ben-gay,
Oh Andy,
You kissed me and stopped me from something.

Stonecutter's Song
Who control's the british pound?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!

Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg, a star?
We do! We do!

Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every oscar night?
We do! We do!

Dr. Zaius
Guard Ape: Help! The human's about to escape!
Troy McClure: Get your paws off me, you dirty ape.
Guard Ape: *Gasp* He can talk!
Guard Ape, Apes #1-3: He can talk ! He can talk! He can talk! He can talk! He can talk! He can talk!
Troy McClure: I can SIIIING!
Female Nurse Ape: Ooh, help me Dr. Zaius.
Apes #1-3: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Oh, Dr. Zaius!
Ape #1: Dr. Zaius! Dr Zaius!
Troy McClure: What's wrong with me?
Dr. Zaius: I think you're crazy.
Troy McClure: I want a second opinion!
Dr. Zaius: You're also lazy.
Apes #1-3: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Oh, Dr. Zaius!
Ape #1: Dr. Zaius! Dr Zaius!
Troy McClure: Can I play the piano anymore?
Dr. Zaius: Of course you can.
Troy McClure: Well, I couldn't before! (He plays a short piano solo.)
Apes #1-3: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Oh, Dr. Zaius!
Ape #1: Dr. Zaius! Dr Zaius!
Apes #1-3: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! Oh, Dr. Zaius!
Bart: (Over top of the 'Dr. Zaius's') This play has everything!
Homer: I love legitimate thee-atre!

Canyonero
Can you name the ruck with four wheel drive?
Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five!
Canyonero! (Whip) Canyonero! (Whip)
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's a country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Canyoneroooo! Yah! (Whip) (With singers) Canyonero! (Whip)
Krusty in a bubble dressed as a cowboy: Hey, hey!
Announcer: The federal highway commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Canyonero! (Whip)
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
Sixty-five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! (Whip) Canyonero! (Whip)
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! (Whip) Canyonero! Ya! (Whip)
She blinds everybody with her super-high beams,
She's a squirrel-squashing, deer-smackin', drivin' machine!
Canyonero! Ya! (Whip) Canyonero! Ya! Ya! On, Canyonero! Ya! Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!

COPS: In Springfield
(Parody of the "COPS" theme)
Bad cops, bad cops. Bad cops, bad cops. Springfield cops are on the take. But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse, we don't mind using excessive force! Bad cops, bad cops. Bad cops, bad cops.
The Garbage Man Can
Homer: Who can take your trash out? Stomp it down for you... Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty-thingy-doo... The
garbage man!
Chorus: Oh, the garbage man can!
Homer and Chorus: The garbage man can and he does it with a smile and never judges you.
Krusty: Heh heh heh.
Marge: Who can take this diaper?
Garbage Man: I don't mind at all.
Wiggum: Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball? The garbage man!
Chorus: Yes, the garbage man can!
U2: The sanitation folks are jolly friendly folks: curteous and easy-going!
Member of U2: They mop up when you're over-flowing!
Bono: And tell you when you ass is showing!
Apu: Who can?
Sideshow Mel: Who can?
Oscar the Grouch: Who can?
Chorus: The garbage man can!
Bart and Lisa: Cause he's the Homer Simpson man.
Chorus: He cleans the town for you!

Hail to Thee, Kamp Krusty
Kids: Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty, by the shores of Big Snake Lake. Though your swings are rusty, we know they'll never break.
Kearney: Louder! Faster!
Kids: From your gleaming mess hall, to your hallowed baseball field, your spic n' span infirmary, where all our wounds are
healed! Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty, below Mount Avalanche. We will always love Kamp Krusty! (Quickly) A registered
trademark of the Krusty Corporation, all rights reserved!