I WILL NOT WASTE CHALK

SHOOTING PAINTBALLS IS NOT AN ARTFORM

I WILL NOT SKATEBOARD IN THE HALLS

I WILL NOT BURP IN CLASS

I WILL NOT INSTIGATE REVOLUTION

I WILL NOT DRAW NAKED LADIES IN CLASS

I DID NOT SEE ELVIS

I WILL NOT CALL MY TEACHER "HOT CAKES"

GARLIC GUM IS NOT FUNNY

THEY ARE LAUGHING AT ME, NOT WITH ME

I WILL NOT YELL "FIRE" IN A CROWDED CLASSROOM

I WILL NOT ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO FLY

TAR IS NOT A PLAYTHING

I WILL NOT XEROX MY BUTT

I WILL NOT SELL SCHOOL PROPERTY

I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS

I WILL NOT GET VERY FAR WITH THIS ATTITUDE

I WILL NOT MAKE FLATULENT NOISES IN CLASS

I WILL NOT BELCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

I WILL NOT SELL LAND IN FLORIDA

I WILL NOT GREASE THE MONKEY BARS

I WILL NOT HIDE BEHIND THE FIFTH AMENDMENT

I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING BAD EVER AGAIN

I WILL NOT SHOW OFF

I WILL NOT SLEEP THROUGH MY EDUCATION

I AM NOT A DENTIST

SPITWADS ARE NOT FREE SPEECH

NOBODY LIKES SUNBURN SLAPPERS

HIGH EXPLOSIVES AND SCHOOL DON'T MIX

I WILL NOT SQUEAK CHALK

I WILL FINISH WHAT I STA

"BART BUCKS" ARE NOT LEGAL TENDER

UNDERWEAR SHOULD BE WORK ON THE INSIDE

THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT DOES NOT STINK

I WILL NOT TORMENT THE EMOTIONALLY FRAIL

I WILL NOT CARVE GODS

I WILL NOT SPANK OTHERS

I WILL NOT AIM FOR THE HEAD

I WILL NOT BARF UNLESS I AM SICK

I WILL NOT TRADE PANTS WITH OTHERS

I AM NOT A 32 YEAR OLD WOMAN

I WILL NOT DO THAT THING WITH MY TONGUE

I WILL NOT DRIVE THE PRINCIPAL'S CAR

I WILL NOT PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO BART

I SAW NOTHING UNUSUAL IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE

I WILL NOT CONDUCT MY OWN FIREDRILLS

FUNNY NOISES ARE NOT FUNNY

I WILL NOT BRING SHEEP TO CLASS

A BURP IS NOT AN ANSWER

TEACHER IS NOT A LEPER

I WILL NOT SPIN THE TURTLE

I WILL NOT SNAP BRAS

I WILL NOT FAKE SEIZURES

THIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT BORING AND POINTLESS

MY NAME IS NOT DR. DEATH

I WILL NOT DEFAME NEW ORLEANS

I WILL NOT BURY THE NEW KID

I WILL NOT TEACH OTHERS TO FLY

COFFEE IS NOT A DRINK FOR KIDS

I WILL NOT EAT THINGS FOR MONEY

I WILL NOT YELL "SHE'S DEAD" DURING ROLL CALL

I WILL NEVER WIN AN EMMY

THE CAFETERIA DEEP FRYER IS NOT A TOY

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BART A DULL BOY

I WILL NOT SAY SPRINGFIELD JUST TO GET APPLAUSE

I AM NOT AUTHORIZED TO FIRE SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS

MY HOMEWORK WAS NOT STOLEN BY A ONE-ARMED MAN

I WILL NOT GO NEAR THE KINDERGARTEN TURTLE

I AM NOT DELIGHTFULLY SAUCY

THE PRINCIPAL'S TOUPEE IS NOT A FRISBEE

I WILL NOT CALL THE PRINCIPAL "STUPID HEAD"

GOLDFISH DON'T BOUNCE

MUD IS NOT ONE OF THE 4 FOOD GROUPS

NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERPANTS

I WILL NOT SELL MIRACLE CURES

I WILL RETURN THE SEEING EYE DOG

I DO NOT HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

I WILL NOT CHARGE ADMISSION TO THE BATHROOM

ORGAN TRANSPLANTS ARE BEST LEFT TO THE PROFESSIONALS

I WILL NOT CELEBRATE MEANINGLESS MILESTONES

THERE ARE PLENTY OF BUSINESSES LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

FIVE DAYS IS NOT TOO LONG TO WAIT FOR A GUN

BEANS ARE NEITHER FRUIT NOR MUSICAL

NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERWEAR

I WILL NOT USE ABBREV.
.
I AM NOT THE REINCARNATION OF SAMMY DAVIS, JR

I WILL NOT SEND LARD THROUGH THE MAIL

I WILL NOT DISSECT THINGS UNLESS INSTRUCTED

I WILL NOT WHITTLE HALL PASSES OUT OF SOAP

RALPH WONT "MORPH" IF YOU SQUEEZE HIM HARD ENOUGH

ADDING "JUST KIDDING" DOESN'T MAKE IT OK TO MAKE FUN OF THE PRINCIPAL

"BAGMAN" IS NOT A LEGITIMATE CAREER CHOICE

CURSIVE HANDWRITING DOES NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES

NEXT TIME IT COULD BE ME ON THE SCAFFOLDING

I WILL NOT HANG DONUTS ON MY PERSON

I WILL REMEMBER TO TAKE MY MEDICATION

I WILL NOT STRUT AROUND LIKE I OWN THE PLACE

THE GOOD HUMOR MAN CAN ONLY BE PUSHED SO FAR

I DO NOT HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY OVER FIRST GRADERS

NERVE GAS IS NOT A TOY

I WILL NOT MOCK MRS. DUMBFACE

THE FIRST AMENDMENT DOES NOT COVER BURPING

THIS IS NOT A CLUE... OR IS IT?

I WILL NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SOLUTION WHEN I HEAR IT

"BEWITCHED" DOES NOT PROMOTE SATANISM

I AM NOT A LEAN MEAN SPITTING MACHINE

NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM MY ARMPITS

THE BOYS ROOM IS NOT A WATERPARK

INDIAN BURNS ARE NOT OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE

WEDGIES ARE UNHEALTHY FOR CHILDREN AND OTHER THINGS

I WILL STOP TALKING ABOUT THE TWELVE INCH PIANIST

I AM NOT CERTIFIED TO REMOVE ASBESTOS

I DID NOT LEARN EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW IN KINDERGARTEN

THE TRUTH IS NOT OUT THERE

I AM NOT LICENSED TO DO ANYTHING

I WILL NOT HIDE THE TEACHER'S PROZAC

FIRE DRILL DOES NOT DEMAND A FIRE

I WAS NOT TOLD TO DO THIS

I WILL NOT DEMAND WHAT I'M WORTH