| Waylon Smithers |
Occupation:
Mr. Burns' assistant.
Duties: Answering the phone, squeezing
juice for him every morning, preparing his tax returns, moistening his eyeballs,
assisting with chewing and swallowing, removing his dead skin, lying to
congress, reminding him who Simpson is, and some light typing.
Secret Shame:
When started up, his computer greets him with a naked animated photo of
Mr. Burns saying, "Hello, Smithers, you're quite good at turning me
on."
Proudest accomplishment: Has the largest Malibu Stacy collection
in Springfield.
Extracurricular:
* Busted Homer for claiming $1,000 for Dimoxinil (a miracle hair growth
formula) on company insurance.
* Proclaimed love to Mr. Burns during threat of nuclear meltdown.
* Assisted Mr. Burns in creating the perfect employee using Homer's brain.
* Assisted Burns in finding pro-baseball players to make up company baseball
team.
* Hired Marge to work at plant after reading her fake resume.
* Kidnapped Tom Jones.
* Organized a birthday party for Mr. Burns and arranged for Ramones to play
"Happy Birthday" for him.
* Found "Bobo", Mr. Burns' long-lost childhood teddy bear.
* Shoved kids out of the way to get to new Malibu Stacy doll.
* Shot Mr. Burns in one of the many "fake" solutions to the episode.
* Took a vacation due to stress and left Homer to fill in as Burns' assistant. |
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