Step into the mind of Homer J. Simpson. Take a few minutes to read some of his funniest lines, remember his crazy antics, and see what makes him tick.

"Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

Explaining to Lisa why she shouldn't have a 'vegetarian BBQ': All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

Right before Marge tells him she's pregnant with Maggie: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

Remember when Bart gave blood to Mr. Burns and Homer was furious that he did not receive any money or gifts? Here's that famous disgruntled letter : (read in a very sarcastic tone.) "Dear Mr. Burns, I'm so glaaaad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your card was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink! You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl arms and you smell like an elephant's butt! (no signature)"

Homer weighs himself: "AAGGGHHH! TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE POUNDS!!! Ohh, I'm a blimp. Why are the good things so tasty?" (Homer's Night Out #7G10)

Homer talking out loud at the movies, annoying other patrons and embarrassing Marge: "Ah, this movie's too complicated... Hey, the floor's sticky... Who is that guy? ... What did that guy say when I said 'who's that guy?'... Oh, that's so fake... Look, you can see the strings... ooh! An octopus!... I think that guy is a spy. Oh wait, I heard how this movie ends. it turns out that the secret code was the nursery rhyme he told his daughter!" (Colonel Homer #8F19)

The advice Grampa gave Homer on his wedding day: " If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything... because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine." (Time and Punishment #2F03)

What about the time when Homer visits Ned's house for the first time? Homer sees Flanders' game room and beer tap and observes that the his family is "perfect". In a jealous rage, Homer storms out and Ned feels terrible. Here's Ned's letter to Homer, to which the Simpsons laugh at hysterically: Dear Neighbor, You are my brother. I love you. And yet I feel a sadness in my bosom. Neighbors forever, Ned Flanders.

to about vegetarianism: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa:No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful...magical animal.

Recipe for a "Flaming Homer": Tequila, Schnapps, Creme De Menthe, and the secret' ingredient: Krusty's Non Narkotik Kough Syrup For Kids. Ignite before drinking.

Trying to convince Bart to give blood to Mr. Burns: "Once upon a time there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw and all the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough. So, they got Hercules and hercules used his mighty strength and bingo! Anyway, the moral is: the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big thing of riches." (Blood Feud #7F22)

Advice to Bart: "I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: [whispers] Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
Number 3: It was like that when I got here." (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish #7F11)

The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant physical exam:
Tester: "This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat! (Turns to Homer) Hey, no eating in the tank!"
Homer: (With a chicken drumstick.) "Go to hell." (Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? # 8F23)

After plant physical exam:
Marge: "How was your day at work, dear?"
Homer: "Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough." (Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? # 8F23)

One of Homer's many conversations with his brain:
Homer: "Well, time to go to work."
Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. (Camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything.) Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aah! [Runs off] (Duffless #9F14)

After getting accepted into college: "I won't need my high school diploma anymore! (Proceeds to burn his GED certificate on the wall and sings:) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T." (Homer Goes to College # 1F02)

Slyly trying to buy some fireworks for the 4th of July: "Umm... let me have one of those porno magazines... a large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... andsomeillegalfireworks... and one of those disposable enemas. Ah, make it two. " (Summer of 4ft. 2 #3F22)

Homer's reaction to seeing his car covered with seashells (a gesture of friendship by Lisa's beach friends): "Sweet merciful crap!!" (Summer of 4ft 2 #3F22)

Trying to gain the respect of co-worker Frank Grimes: " Good morning fellow employee. You'll notice that I am now a model worker. We should continue this conversation during the designated break periods. Sincerely, Homer Simpson." (Homer's Enemy #4F11)