Identity: One of "Springfield's
finest".
Talents: Abusing power, taking
bribes.
Weaknesses: Solving crimes, keeping
the peace.
Favorite non-monetary bribe: Beer.
Family: Wife and son, Ralph.
Hidden talent: Acting, sang in
play "Oh Streetcar!".
Personally handles: All calls
involving donut shops, ice cream parlors, chili stands, and places
where beer or frozen popsicles are available.
Extracurricular:
* Bribed Ms. Hoover to let Ralph have lead role in school play.
* Member of the "Be Sharps".
* Spotted a "ghost car" while pursuing Marge Simpson and
Ruth Powers.
* Falsely arrested Ned Flanders for DUI in front of the church bus.
* Coaches the "Mighty Pigs" kids hockey team.
* Member of the Stonecutters.
* Hired Marge Simpsons to join the Springfield police force.
* Stole counterfeit jeans that were hidden in the Simpsons' garage.
* Made wicked chili with potent Guatemalan peppers which caused Homer
to hallucinate.
* Starred in Simpsons spin-off "Chief Wiggum P.I.".
* Keeps the key to every lock in the city on his bed post. |
